Dear Ms or Mr,

i have heard that you need a diet coach.  i was wondering if you would consider me.  My name is Ana Rexia Nervosa but my friends call me Ana.  people tell me that i am a wonderful diet coach.  I dont want to brag, but most people who have me loose a lot of weight surprisingly quickly.  These people are usually underweight by the end, but they keep on loosing because they think they are fat.  Because they ARE.

Do you think you are fat?  let me tell you that you are.  disgustingly fat.  but i can help you.  i will never leave you like most coaches and i will constantly tell you what to eat.  i will tell you that you are fat but let's face it. you are.  the sooner you except this and me, the thinner you will be.  i will help you make fashion choices, too. people might be jealous of your weight lose, so they will tell you to get rid of me.  dont get rid of me. i am here to help you.

Some people will tell you to get rid you me.  fire me.  you can try but i will NEVER leave you.  i want to help you.  some people love me.  i even have fan clubs.  Google Pro-Ana and you will see all of my fans.  Or you can look up my sister Mia.  people will tell you how great we are, because we think that we are amazing.

If you want to hire me or Mia, please dont hesitate to call us.  Because you NEED to loose weight.  if you are satisfied with either of us, please recommend us to a friend.  Because everybody needs to loose weight.  if you join us you will get a free red or blue bracelet to show everybody that you have us working for you.  more like you working for us.

Sincerely,
Ana Rexia Nervosa

PS did i mention i will ruin you life?